Some Short Parables, or Aphorisms. Preferably, the One that Makes Me Sound Smarter.

One time I relieved myself gastrally in front of a Shakesperian scholar in a tiny literary office. He had to have noticed it, since the blast moved the page I was reading, but some reason he didn't read into it.

Once someone referred to me as a comic, and I was immediately reduced to a two-dimensional stencil that smudges at the touch and is only colorful on the day the Lord rested.

I got a page on myspace only to immediately discover that I was part of an extended network of others. I immediately deleted the page and continued my Yoga meditation.

After twelve years of smoking I discovered that cigarette smoking is bad for you, but knowing how to read is a privalege.

After McDonald's stopped serving super-size, I began to purchase two orders of large fries. I retained the ability to leap tall buildings, but lost the ability to see through the act of getting into a pair of H+M jeans.

In the second book of Samuel, when King David witnesses Bathsheba bathing, he essentially becomes one of the first documented males to try and "hit it, then quit it." However, had he not plotted her her husband Uriah's death and made her his wife, he may have become the first documented male to suggest "it's not mine," while being a guest on the Maury show.